Character: The Janitor

Woah. Okay, ya’ll. I don’t know how I missed this movie around Halloween, but it’s pretty solid for your cliche spooky haunted thingies violent thriller. Are you ready for the twist? Our sweet sweet Mr. Cage says ZERO WORDS the whole movie. It sounds like it wouldn’t work. I promise you – it does.

So, it opens up on a Camaro zooming down a curvy road when BAM! His tires blow. Not one or two tires. All four of his tires blow. It’s suspicious at best. He gets towed and has a conversation with tow truck driver who says he’ll fix his tires for $1000, but doesn’t take cards. Because it’s the damn dark ages in this town. They don’t even have the interwebs. That’s your first clue that everyone is batshit crazy here.

We also meet Liv and the Sheriff (Beth Grant) for the first time. Liv is a local girl who’s friends will make an appearance shortly. You might recognize the Sheriff from one of her many roles. The most prominent one for me is Loretta in To Wong Foo, thank for everything.

Anyway, Cage doesn’t have the cash, so the tow truck driver is like, ‘I know a guy who needs work done. Let me give him a call.’

Enter good ol’ Texas man Tex Macadoo. Yeah. I said it. Now, Tex is the owner of Willy’s Wonderland – an old rundown kids place kind of like Chuck E. Cheese including the creepy mechanical animals.

Periodically, we see flashes of a woman bloody and running from we don’t know what exactly. She’s in a Willy’s Wonderland t-shirt and as the movie continues, we find out that there’s a man with her as well.

Back to ol’ Tex. Tex tells our Cage-Man that if he cleans Willy’s overnight, Tex will pay for his tires so he can head out of town. Cage nods and they enter. Tex explains what the job is and hands him a shirt making sure to note that Cage should take breaks as to not get overworked.

Our Janitor puts on his shirt and starts cleaning. His first stop is the break room where we get our first look at the pinball machine he plays throughout this film. We meet our first villain Ozzie the Ostrich. Violence ensues and we get to see how incredible the Janitor is despite his quiet demeanor. He makes quick work of the Ostrich and bags him up. Then gets back to work cleaning up Willy’s. Keep an ear out for his watch to beep signaling it’s break time and he DOES take his breaks. This is key.

Our second baddy is Gus the Gorilla and though he gets in some really great shots, he goes down. Hard. Our Janitor curb stomps his jaw on a urinal and yeah. It’s just as gruesome as it sounds. Cage-Man cleans up and gets back to work. Now, every time he takes a break, he opens up a purple soda and plays pinball.

In the background of this violent storyline, we have Liv and her 5 friends: Chris (feels like the boy nextdoor), Aaron, Evan, Kathy (the eye candy), and Bob (Kathy’s dude). Liv wants to save the Janitor because a)she knows what happens to people at Willy’s and b)she doesn’t know how awesome the Janitor is. She sneaks in and we get our first look at Arty the Alligator in the vents. He’s nashing and chases her out of the vent, but gets stuck and can’t follow her.

Liv causes all kinds of issues for everyone. The Janitor doesn’t want to be saved. Her friends fall through the roof and are forced to join her in this quest. One of the guys is smart and calls the Sheriff who is terrible. One by one the villains fall to the Janitor.

Liv’s friends are all killed. Advice: don’t trust Chameleons or Sirens that crawl on walls and ceilings… or talking mechanical creatures in general. Yeah. They shouldn’t be following you around places. Creepy.

DO NOT MISS the Cage dance at the pinball machine before the Janitor fights Willy. It will make your day. I promise.

We find out the story behind the creepy living animals and why people are thrown in to it. I won’t tell you cause you really should go watch it. Did the Janitor make it out alive? Did he get his keys and drive off into the horizon?

What happens to Liv? GO WATCH THE MOVIE. I’m not a fan of cliffhangers, so this is a difficult way to end this post. I will let you know that the movie does give you closure of sorts. So. There’s that.